ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
