no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
