Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
