remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
