My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
