last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just cropdusted the office
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
