we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
