and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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