literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
