We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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