tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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