yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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