hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
