if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
