Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
