A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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