I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
