Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i now understand why vodka
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
