I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
