i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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