garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
