when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
