I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
