he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
