i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
