Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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