I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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