So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize