If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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