So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
