i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
