piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
