You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
