I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize