At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
