I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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