The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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