Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
