I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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