so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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