Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
