so explain again why im purple
no
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
