Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
