As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
