haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
