he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
