I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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