What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
