Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
