got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
