Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
