You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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