taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
