I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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