okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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