would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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