oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
