in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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