Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
