It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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