I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
