If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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