Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's the barista slut.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
