That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
